My Impending Fate

Hello there,

I hope that you’re all having a great Holiday Break and you’re all super pumped for the New Year! I know that I am. If you wanna see my Christmas Morning click here!

Anyways, back to the real reason why I’m writing this. By now you have probably noticed the change in format. That’s because this is yet another brain spill with Marin. Super exciting I know 🙂

I think that Mid-Winter break comes at a very interesting time of year. It is just before finals, or at least for my school it is, and it’s usually in the midst of all of the stress that is high school, which is a little unnerving. All of my teachers are wrapping up their classes and assigning the final projects (which are pretty big by the way) but none of them require any work to be done before we get back. No, they just hint  at the idea of getting stuff done because if you don’t, you’re in for a whole lot of hell when you get back.

Besides that load of stress, Mid-Winter break is nice. I get two weeks of pure time, and of course I end up abusing it in some way or another by binge-watching Dance Academy and sleeping until noon.

But lately I’ve found it kinda hard to breathe. There is a tightness in my chest that just doesn’t seem to fade and a small twinge of anxiousness that accompanies it. So I’ve decided to write it down hoping to ease the stress a little.

I don’t do well with stress, or the great looming cloud of stress that usually forms because of a big assignment or, you know it, finals. I know, I know, everyone takes them and the majority of the people hate them. And I know that they don’t decide my life, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t suck. A lot.

Another thing that has been gnawing at me is my future and what I want to do/study in college. The ACT is coming up and that means college applications are soon to follow, so all I can hope for is some guidance until then. I’ve always known what I wanted to do as a career, but since I’ve started my Youtube Channel (check it out!) and I absolutely love my blog, things have been changing for me. The drive to get a job and work isn’t there anymore… and that’s intimidating.

Writing about all of this helps a little, but it doesn’t help that feeling of an impending fate, which for once in my life I’m not exactly sure about.

But what about you guys! Do you have any stressors that are weighing you down? Maybe your own impending fate that’s worrying you? I’d love to hear about them, and who knows, maybe it would help to share.

Much Love,

Marin XO

A Peek Into My Thoughts Right Now…

Hello My Beauties!
This week has been a little tough but in a weird way. So I thought that it might be good to open up about a couple of things that I have been thinking about these past couple of days and see what y’all think. Here it goes Lovelies…

Why Am I Doing This?

I feel like this is the age old question that everyone encounters, but for me this question revolves around my blog and my Youtube channel. Both of those things bring me SO much joy, and I love hearing back from you guys (it always makes my day!). But honestly, it can be really hard to balance life, school, and this blog. I always want to deliver great quality posts and material for you guys, so it sucks when I can’t exactly provide that. A huge reason for starting all of this was to reach out to all of you, as well as provide some advice in whatever areas of your life you are having troubles with! The down side to all of this is when a post that I work really hard on or a video I spend hours editing doesn’t get the attention I thought it would. It can be a real downer to look at this little baby you spent a chunk of your life on and not have it flourish. Then I start to think about the people that DO support me and that DO enjoy what I putout there, and I just get all emotional thinking about it! In the end you guys are the most amazing people and I appreciate you every second of the day! 🙂

Boys… Damn.

It just explains itself. Being a teenage girl acting like she has got everything figured out (WHAT A LIE!), boys are the biggest enigma I have ever encountered. I don’t understand how anyone ever ends up with each other when there is just this endless game of Cat-n-Mouse throughout the relationship. I don’t even know who is the cat and who is the mouse! And we can all relate to the endless, tortuous fantasies that flood your mind when you think about that person; your first date, first anniversary gift, etc. Sadly, and this is really sad, all those fantasies are just that! To make matters even worse, that perfect guy/girl in your mind, yeah no one is ever going to live up to those expectations! That significant other you are dreaming of is YOUR MIND! No one is ever going to be that person, and it isn’t fair for you, or anyone else, to have to compete with that. Still, that truly-true fact doesn’t stop me from constantly thinking about *insert name here* and how cute we would be together if it would ever work out. *sigh*

Life Is So Beautiful

Another big thing that has been on my mind is how amazing life is. The concept of life, the complexities of life, the endlessness of it. Life is the longest thing that each of us will ever experience, yet it is so short when you think about it. And another thing, it can go away so easily. That is a big part of what has been making me so emotional about the whole thing: it can be ended so quickly. That is also where the darker part of my brain steps in and makes everything really deep and really dark. Basically, I end up an emotional wreck. Yet, I like to think that there is an up side to all that, which is that lately I have been really valuing and experiencing EVERYTHING! Yes, I end up being really emotional over a plant or something, but I feel like that is part of really living (the feelings not the plant)! Being able to look at a anything and getting some sort of emotional reward. Plus, if you actually just take the time to look, and I mean REALLY LOOK, at this beautiful planet we call home, in this beautiful solar system, in this beautiful galaxy, in this beautiful universe, you will understand what I mean.

So that really went all over the place, didn’t it? Basically my stream of consciousness in a post. Anyways, I love you all and thank you for reading and please feel free to comment with ANYTHING!

Peace, Love, and Baby Ducks,

Marin XO